Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
