her vagine was all disorganized.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
