mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
