shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
