Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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