Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
