Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Randomize
