shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
where am i from again
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
