I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
