Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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