Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
