omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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