You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
