the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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