...so i touched it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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