Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
