Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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