Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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