I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You are the jesus of drinking
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
