i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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