Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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