Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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