I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
