I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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