I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My penis needs a shock collar
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
