He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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