my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
