Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
