I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
