turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
