i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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