my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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