That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
