Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
