im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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