I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We're too hungover to prance.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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