So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
