Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
