South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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