toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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