so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
