Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
