Non-Jews are for practice
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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