I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
