You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
