In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
