I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
