I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
