I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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