oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
