I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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