Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
