Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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