Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
