I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
