i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
