Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Please, let me fuck your mom
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
