when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
