I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
