I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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