Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he puts the penis in happiness.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
