The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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