I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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